It’s Usually Fine, Depending on the Intensity
Question:
Our 3-year-old Jamie is sweet and bright and pretty. Her only “flaw” is that in between playing or talking or running around, she’s likely to be sitting somewhere sucking her thumb. It’s not constant, by any means. In fact, when we are at a park or out with friends, she hardly ever has her thumb in her mouth. But once she’s home, she grabs her “lovey” (a striped blanket she’s had since she was a baby) and heads for the sofa where she hunkers down for some sucking time. If we distract her or she hears her sister playing, she’s usually done in a few minutes. She puts her blanket on the hook in her room (which we installed when the dog seemed as fond of it as she was), and then she’s her usual busy self. At pre-school no one seems to care — in fact, at circle time, she’s one of several who suck their thumbs or twist their hair. But we get a lot of negative comments from grandparents and other family members. What should we do
about this?
Answer:
Don’t worry! Jamie is doing just fine.
Sucking is the first way that babies learn to soothe themselves, and almost all babies and toddlers take pleasure in sucking their thumbs or fingers or a pacifier. It’s a myth that babies who don’t breast feed are more likely to suck their thumbs or a pacifier. In fact, some babies actually prefer to get their soothing without the added calories! As most children get older, they gradually suck less and less during the day, but they may continue to suck when they are falling asleep or feeling distress.
Some children, like Jamie, develop habitual patterns of comforting themselves throughout the day. Sometimes it’s only when they are tired or in the midst of transitions. Sometimes the habit evolves, as you’ve observed with Jamie, into sucking while holding a lovey, sitting in a special place and going through a familiar routine. When the habit is pacifier sucking, parents can control access to a pacifier or remove it entirely. You don’t have that choice with a child’s thumb!
Fortunately, there is no evidence that a 3-year-old’s thumb sucking is harmful to her. In fact it’s probably helpful.
Here’s why: Children who suck their thumbs have the ability to calm themselves readily, often before they
get so unhappy that a parent notices that they are upset. If you expect your child to give up such a useful way of coping, what will be her substitute? Will she still be able to quiet herself when she is feeling stressed, or to fall asleep independently? Future teasing isn’t a cause for concern. A pre-school age child doesn’t worry about what others think of her now, and she can’t imagine or care what the future might be like.
The only reason to discourage thumb sucking in a 3- to 5-year-old, or in any child, is if the degree of sucking is so frequent and of such intensity that it is likely to interfere with permanent tooth development. This would be highly unusual at this age. If a 5- to 6-year-old child sucks her thumb with strong suction throughout the day and night, many dentists would advise parents to intervene. However, you have noticed already that Jamie has long periods when she does not suck and that she is gradually becoming less dependent on her thumb; her teeth may not be affected at all as she gets older. (If her parents have overbites or needed braces, Jamie might still need an orthodontist no matter what you do!)
There are a few things you can do now to help Jamie continue to gradually reduce her dependency on her thumb. The first is to make sure that she is also developing other ways to soothe herself and to accept comfort from others. Make sure that Jamie gets lots of hugs and cuddle time. Encourage her to practice relaxation in ways that don’t involve her thumb: stretching and splashing in a bathtub, blowing bubbles, playing with sand or clay and doing slow deep breathing while you play music. These aren’t strategies to “fix” the thumb sucking. This is long-term skill building that will be helpful to any of your children.
Many young children suck when they are bored or when they are in a situation where they have learned to automatically suck their thumbs. At those times, a child doesn’t need comfort. She’s just unconsciously doing what she’s used to doing. You can interrupt that type of sucking (or any other unconscious habit) by introducing an activity that is incompatible with the habit. For example, you may notice that providing Jamie with something else to do with her hands — holding a doll, drinking a glass of milk, doing a puzzle — gives her enough distraction for her to forget about sucking. If she tends to suck her thumb when you are driving in the car, you can give her an interesting toy to play with. Having a conversation or singing a song together may also keep her mouth busy without her thumb. You aren’t trying to stop the thumb sucking all the time; you are just substituting ways for her to keep her hands busy.
Sometimes a child’s sucking pattern is connected to a comfort object, as you’ve noticed with Jamie and her blanket. By having her keep the blanket at home, in a special place, you have helped her to think first before she decides when and where she wants to suck. That’s a good way to interrupt an automatic habit. However, I would not advise you to set any further limits on blanket use now — when Jamie needs comfort, her blanket and thumb are valuable, not harmful.
You may hear that children should have their thumbs painted with nasty tasting substances to discourage thumb sucking. Some parents who have taken this path regret it later. They discover that their child develops another habit that may be less pleasant than the thumb sucking — lip licking and nose picking are common — or that their child becomes whinier and more easily distressed without a way to comfort herself.
If a parent reacts with disapproval when a child sucks her thumb, or even worse, nags her to stop, the thumb sucking is likely to increase. Some children will become defiant and suck more in reaction to comments. Others will simply hide the thumb sucking from the critical parent and may wind up seeking ways to sneak in extra sucking time.
Comments from adults other than parents or regular caregivers aren’t as likely to cause this kind of rebound effect. However, children naturally avoid being with people who disapprove of them, so you may want to advise critical family members to keep quiet.
You can also explain to them that pediatric and pediatric dental organizations have all issued statements that thumb sucking does not need to be interrupted at this age, if ever. If that doesn’t work, you’ll be setting a good example to your child about resisting peer pressure if she hears you say, “We think it’s fine for Jamie to suck her thumb, and we don’t see it as a problem.”
Meg Zweiback is a certified pediatric nurse practitioner and family consultant in Oakland. She is an associate clinical professor of nursing at University of California, San Francisco and posts articles and other resources on her Web site, bringingupkids.com. To possibly have your question included, please send your questions to [email protected]
Question:
Our 3-year-old Jamie is sweet and bright and pretty. Her only “flaw” is that in between playing or talking or running around, she’s likely to be sitting somewhere sucking her thumb. It’s not constant, by any means. In fact, when we are at a park or out with friends, she hardly ever has her thumb in her mouth. But once she’s home, she grabs her “lovey” (a striped blanket she’s had since she was a baby) and heads for the sofa where she hunkers down for some sucking time. If we distract her or she hears her sister playing, she’s usually done in a few minutes. She puts her blanket on the hook in her room (which we installed when the dog seemed as fond of it as she was), and then she’s her usual busy self. At pre-school no one seems to care — in fact, at circle time, she’s one of several who suck their thumbs or twist their hair. But we get a lot of negative comments from grandparents and other family members. What should we do
about this?
Answer:
Don’t worry! Jamie is doing just fine.
Sucking is the first way that babies learn to soothe themselves, and almost all babies and toddlers take pleasure in sucking their thumbs or fingers or a pacifier. It’s a myth that babies who don’t breast feed are more likely to suck their thumbs or a pacifier. In fact, some babies actually prefer to get their soothing without the added calories! As most children get older, they gradually suck less and less during the day, but they may continue to suck when they are falling asleep or feeling distress.
Some children, like Jamie, develop habitual patterns of comforting themselves throughout the day. Sometimes it’s only when they are tired or in the midst of transitions. Sometimes the habit evolves, as you’ve observed with Jamie, into sucking while holding a lovey, sitting in a special place and going through a familiar routine. When the habit is pacifier sucking, parents can control access to a pacifier or remove it entirely. You don’t have that choice with a child’s thumb!
Fortunately, there is no evidence that a 3-year-old’s thumb sucking is harmful to her. In fact it’s probably helpful.
Here’s why: Children who suck their thumbs have the ability to calm themselves readily, often before they
get so unhappy that a parent notices that they are upset. If you expect your child to give up such a useful way of coping, what will be her substitute? Will she still be able to quiet herself when she is feeling stressed, or to fall asleep independently? Future teasing isn’t a cause for concern. A pre-school age child doesn’t worry about what others think of her now, and she can’t imagine or care what the future might be like.
The only reason to discourage thumb sucking in a 3- to 5-year-old, or in any child, is if the degree of sucking is so frequent and of such intensity that it is likely to interfere with permanent tooth development. This would be highly unusual at this age. If a 5- to 6-year-old child sucks her thumb with strong suction throughout the day and night, many dentists would advise parents to intervene. However, you have noticed already that Jamie has long periods when she does not suck and that she is gradually becoming less dependent on her thumb; her teeth may not be affected at all as she gets older. (If her parents have overbites or needed braces, Jamie might still need an orthodontist no matter what you do!)
There are a few things you can do now to help Jamie continue to gradually reduce her dependency on her thumb. The first is to make sure that she is also developing other ways to soothe herself and to accept comfort from others. Make sure that Jamie gets lots of hugs and cuddle time. Encourage her to practice relaxation in ways that don’t involve her thumb: stretching and splashing in a bathtub, blowing bubbles, playing with sand or clay and doing slow deep breathing while you play music. These aren’t strategies to “fix” the thumb sucking. This is long-term skill building that will be helpful to any of your children.
Many young children suck when they are bored or when they are in a situation where they have learned to automatically suck their thumbs. At those times, a child doesn’t need comfort. She’s just unconsciously doing what she’s used to doing. You can interrupt that type of sucking (or any other unconscious habit) by introducing an activity that is incompatible with the habit. For example, you may notice that providing Jamie with something else to do with her hands — holding a doll, drinking a glass of milk, doing a puzzle — gives her enough distraction for her to forget about sucking. If she tends to suck her thumb when you are driving in the car, you can give her an interesting toy to play with. Having a conversation or singing a song together may also keep her mouth busy without her thumb. You aren’t trying to stop the thumb sucking all the time; you are just substituting ways for her to keep her hands busy.
Sometimes a child’s sucking pattern is connected to a comfort object, as you’ve noticed with Jamie and her blanket. By having her keep the blanket at home, in a special place, you have helped her to think first before she decides when and where she wants to suck. That’s a good way to interrupt an automatic habit. However, I would not advise you to set any further limits on blanket use now — when Jamie needs comfort, her blanket and thumb are valuable, not harmful.
You may hear that children should have their thumbs painted with nasty tasting substances to discourage thumb sucking. Some parents who have taken this path regret it later. They discover that their child develops another habit that may be less pleasant than the thumb sucking — lip licking and nose picking are common — or that their child becomes whinier and more easily distressed without a way to comfort herself.
If a parent reacts with disapproval when a child sucks her thumb, or even worse, nags her to stop, the thumb sucking is likely to increase. Some children will become defiant and suck more in reaction to comments. Others will simply hide the thumb sucking from the critical parent and may wind up seeking ways to sneak in extra sucking time.
Comments from adults other than parents or regular caregivers aren’t as likely to cause this kind of rebound effect. However, children naturally avoid being with people who disapprove of them, so you may want to advise critical family members to keep quiet.
You can also explain to them that pediatric and pediatric dental organizations have all issued statements that thumb sucking does not need to be interrupted at this age, if ever. If that doesn’t work, you’ll be setting a good example to your child about resisting peer pressure if she hears you say, “We think it’s fine for Jamie to suck her thumb, and we don’t see it as a problem.”
Meg Zweiback is a certified pediatric nurse practitioner and family consultant in Oakland. She is an associate clinical professor of nursing at University of California, San Francisco and posts articles and other resources on her Web site, bringingupkids.com. To possibly have your question included, please send your questions to [email protected]
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